February 19, 2022
Good afternoon! Happy late Valentines Day. I hope you were all able to spend the week celebrating the things you love most. people, places, pets, etc. I had a crazy busy week but it was so much fun. I got to go to the State Wrestling Championship and watch my brother bring home a third place win. It was truly so amazing to see him achieve something that he has been working so hard for. I don’t tell him as much as I should, but he is honestly one of my biggest role models. His drive and determination to achieve his goals is stronger than anyone I know. He sacrifices so much to be the best of his abilities and that shows in all he does. He gives 100% to everything he commits to whether he likes it or not and he is the perfect example of someone who wants nothing more than to help other people be the best they can be. Which is one of the reasons I have noticed my anxiety being more than usual. He is a senior and is planning to go off to college in just a few months. Me and him are only ten months apart and I see him almost as a twin because we are so close. He is someone I feel I can tell anything to and the thought of him not being right here makes me so anxious. I have been praying for so long that God would place him right where he need to be in terms of college and I trust that He will do just that. For those of you who did not know, his hope is to attend West Point Military Academy in New York. (That makes me tear up, New York is so far away) I know that wherever God calls him too, he is going to give his best but the idea of him leaving makes me so nervous. This is when I have to place my trust in God like we talked about last week. Ultimately where and when he leaves home is not up to me so the most I can do is be here for and him and support him with where ever he decides to go.
Lately when I have found my mind wondering the the fears and “what ifs” of my older brother moving out I have found a couple things to escape or treat the feelings. First thing I do is think about how special those days he comes home will be. It is one thing to talk on the phone but a whole nothing thing to see someone and wrap your arms around them. I think about how exciting the days he walks in the front door to see us will be. Another way I ease the feelings is by reminding myself of his goal in the future. If he does end up going to the military academy, he will be devoting his life to his country. Lying his life on the line for our freedom and this makes me look up to him even more. It takes such a special person to make the decision to go into the military and it has been Owen’s dream for longer than I can even remember. With all of this being said, fear is an understatement. I have to remind myself daily that God already has a plan in place and no matter the worry I bombard my mind with, I cannot change the future. I repeat Psalm 56:3 it says, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”
I hope that in me sharing this with you today that you would be able to see that I still struggle. No matter where we are in life, while on this earth we will be faced with trials, but I want to remind you all to always TRUST IN THE FATHER! He will be with us always.
February 12, 2023
Hey everyone! I hope I find you all doing well. I do not know about you, but I have had such an eventful weekend. It started out of Saturday morning with me having to go and take the dreaded ACT test. I will be honest though, I have now taken it seven times (I know it’s a little obsessive) and each time it seems shorter which is a good thing I guess. A majority of the people there taking the exam are so unhappy to be there and often times dread it more than anything but for me it really isn’t bad. It makes me feel good afterwards when I know I did my absolute best but I have to say the waiting game for the scores to return is so nerve racking. I don’t know why I let it get to me because at the end of the day it is simply a number. I stress about making a specific test score when in reality it is completely out of my control. That is where God gives me this since of peace in knowing I did my best and gave it my all. Especially in the times we live in today, School competitiveness is so large and makes an impact on so many students. We constantly feel the pressure of being good enough or standing out amonst our peers when it comes to our extracurriculars and grades. To me, all of this is overrated and we as a society put way to much emphasis on grades. I know for me and I am sure it is this way for many, when we hyper-fixate on grades, we find ourselves making it seem as if our school determines our worth and that is certainly not the case. Which is why I think it is important that all students realize the importance of balance in life as well as being grounded in their identity which lies in Christ alone not grades, looks, personality, strength, etc.
After the test, I got to help my sister plan a little Valentines get together with her friends. I came home from taking the test and she was talking to me about some of her recent friendship and drama issues (keep in mind she is in middle school). I understood why she felt the way she did and so I have her the idea of having the infamous TikTok trend “Galentines” party. It was nothing special but I really enjoyed being able to help her make it possible within the three hours from when we decided to do it! Following the little party, I went out with a friend and we went to the movies and hear this, a RAGE Room! Now if you don’t know what this is, it is exactly what it sounds to be. You go in this small room that’s walls are lined with plywood. They give you glass bottles, small electronics, and other breakable things to reck. I mean it is really intense. They give you baseball bats, golf clubs, hammers, mallets, and more to just destroy the items in this room. It is such a relief but kind of dangerous lol. I made the mistake of not wearing gloves and cut open my finger but besides that it was totally worth it and just what I needed. You don’t realize the build up of emotions inside until you have a way to let them out. It remained me however of the importance of being open with our emotional. Not bottling them up inside to “deal with later” or trying to cover them up but instead facing them right then and there. Going up to the person you have an issue with and talking it out, facing your anxieties, being over the moon excited and letting out a scream, all emotions are valid it just matters how you express them. The way to do so differs for everyone but if you try, you will be able to come up with some coping skills. Music, dancing, exercise, coffee, art, are just a few. I challenge your this week to go on to BBB social media post and comment your positive coping skill. You can be as specific as you want. Let’s see how many comments we can reach! Have a great week!
February 5, 2023
Good morning! Happy February to everyone! Can you believe we are already in the second month of the year? That mean we are 1/6 of the way through 2023! What even that makes me crazy to think about. Anyways, like I said last week, I need to be present not looking at next year! I hope that you have all had a great start to your week thus far. I had a pretty good week, I got to go to a cycling class with some friends and it was so much fun. As we rode our bikes we laughed at each other but I think it is safe to say we all enjoyed it. For me, getting a sweat on is a way of coping. Physical activity is about the only thing that I know to do that helps me clear my mind. It can be anything that involves moving my body. My favorite by far is karaoke. Speaking of which me and my sister had a karaoke session two nights ago and it was amazing. It was only me and her at home and when I tell you I am shocked our windows didn’t bust, I am not joking. Bless our hearts, neither of us can sing AT ALL but we bolt it out like we are stars on America’s Got Talent. I’m talking so loud our dogs were holding their ears, microphone (hairbrush) in hand, eyes shut, dancing, and screaming the halfway made up lyrics. It was so much fun and I could literally do it every day. Aside from that, I wanted to fill y’all in on something I have decided to do for myself. I am so proud to say I officially had taken the beginning steps to get my personal trainer certification. My class is scheduled for March but I am beyond excited for this journey. I think it will be a great way for me to spread my story and make an impact on the lives of so many more people. I am so glad God opened up this opportunity and led me to have the passions and interests I do. I cannot wait to be able to teach my own fitness classes and help others achieve their goals. But more than anything I am overflowing with gratefulness. I am so thankful God has allowed me to use what used to be a stumbling block to now change the lives of others. Just five years ago, when I was going through my eating disorder, exercise became a negative coping skill. Something I despised but felt obligated to do, miles on the treadmill barely being able to lift my feet, body checking constantly in the bathroom of the gym wondering why I was so different, the constant worry of not burning enough calories to make up for the toddler size portions I was eating, and the consistent feeling that I was doing enough. No matter how much time and energy I put into my unhealthy addiction, it was never enough. Exercise was fueling my anorexia.
I say all of this to explain how far I have come, exercise is no longer something I do to “loose weight” or control how skinny I can be. Exercise is a way for me to feel powerful, to see how strong God has allowed me to become throughout all of my trials in life. It is a way for me to clear my mind and be present. Exercise is something I absolutely adore again and it is no longer a task, but something I choose to do for myself. Now I will be honest, there are times when I find my ED creeping back in while at the gym. Seeing other girls wearing waist trimmers, talking about diets, weighing themselves, or working out in sweats can all be triggering but the difference is now, I know how unhealthy that can be. I understand the consequences that came with my unhealthy desire and not a bone in my body wants to return to that state. Whereas before, I would look at those people and get more unhealthy ideas, I now look at them as a source of strength or drive. It gives me the churning feeling to be of encouragement and help others dealing with body image issues.
I am so thankful for my story and wouldn’t change it for the world. Don’t loose hope, there is a reason your facing the difficulties your facing. God has a master plan and while we cannot see it right now, we are called to trust Him and His ways. Stay strong and let me know if you need anything.
P.S. - As Valentines Day is right around the corner, submit a B3 Box for those you love.